


I Know

by BiafBunny



Category: Daveed Diggs - Fandom, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Marriage, Series, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:35:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiafBunny/pseuds/BiafBunny
Summary: You twirled the little red straw in your whiskey glass, the ice knocking gently on the glass.You were gonna do it, you told yourself you were going to do it, and now you couldn’t relax.The familiar noise of metal and clanging wood filled your ears as the backyard fence opened, to your delight and fear in he walked. Daveed.
Relationships: Daveed Diggs/Reader, Rafael Casal/Daveed Diggs/Reader
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

You twirled the little red straw in your whiskey glass, the ice knocking gently on the glass.

You were gonna do it, you told yourself you were going to do it, and now you couldn’t relax.

The familiar noise of metal and clanging wood filled your ears as the backyard fence opened, to your delight and fear in he walked. Daveed.

The man you’ve watched and adored for the last ten years of your life, the one you promised yourself you would confess you feelings to tonight, the one you’re completely afraid of in this moment.

You body suddenly ached and you couldn’t decide if you should stay still or walk away from the awkward situation that was only playing in your mind.

In turn you decided to glue yourself to the grass you were standing on, and awkwardly lifted your arm to give a half wave.

His eyes fell on you and he smiled brightly, he looked extra charming in his white dress shirt with his sleeves half rolled up tucked neatly in his black dress pants, his hair down and natural, and his thick rimmed glasses on.

He came made his way towards you, reciprocating the wave, all you wanted to do was run.

You had no idea why Anthony and Jasmine were throwing this party, it was a semi formal dinner party for absolutely no idea, it was probably to show off their new house, but you still felt awkward in a floor length burgundy dress standing in the backyard, your heels digging into the soft grass, with whiskey in your hands.

“Y/N. Hey!” Daveed said finally reaching you through the crowded yard, his arms wrapped around you, you stayed still as your arms were pinned down from his excited embrace.

“Hey, Daveed.” Just then his girlfriend appeared at his side. “Hey, Y/N” you took a sip of your drink allowing the burn to hide your passive aggressiveness. “Hey Lauren.” You said almost too peppy. “Babe, I’m going to get a drink, want anything?”She said tilting her head up towards him flashing a bright smile, Daveed shook his head and waved his hand. “I’m good, thanks.” You watched her sway away, her long gold dress slid gently on the grass. You couldn’t hate Lauren, she was nice, but she had the one thing you wanted more than anything.

“Daveed, can we talk?” He raised an eyebrow at you and smirked. “Aren’t already doing that?” You rolled your. “Haha, so funny.” he smiled proudly, but nodded towards you. “Whats up?” You grasped at your arm, rubbing it gently. As you eyed Daveed you noticed he was almost bouncing where he stood. “Daveed-” before the rest of the words could roll off your tongue, the words you’ve been practicing in the mirror for days you were interrupted. “Guess what?” you felt a pang of anger coarse through you, its not like he knew what you wanted to say. “What?” He bit his bottom lip and you could help but stare. “Guess why we’re here?” you looked around at the women in long dresses and men all dressed up, you shrugged. “Anthony and Jasmine got a new house, right?” He shook his head so feverishly that you couldn’t make out his face. “Guess again!” you tilted your head to the side, tired of this game already. “Daveed, just tell me” He was biting the inside of his cheek now but broke out into a wide smile. “Okay, I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but you’re my best friend.” You took in a gentle breath but still felt the harshness of the night cooling down.

“Y/N I’m getting married.” You froze, not a blink, just froze in place. You felt your insides tangle and your heart sink deep in your chest. The pain was almost so unreal that you wanted to grab at you torso, but you fought against it, as well as pushing the tears that ached to escape backwards, instead you gripped your glass harder.

You took another moment to gain composure, you wanted desperately to run so you pushed your heels deeper into the grass.

“That’s amazing Daveed.” you said as strongly as your vocal cords would allow you, you prayed that it would be enough. He wrapped you again in yet another embrace. “I’m so excited.” his hug was tight, and as he let you go you let out a deep breath. “I’m so happy for you.” you lied. “I’m going to get another drink.” Before Daveed could question your reaction to his wonderful news you walked off towards the bar.

Once you reached the bar you ordered another whiskey, this time a double and told the bartender to expect seeing a lot of you tonight, he laughed, you weren’t joking.

You took a long gulp from you fresh glass and examined the party happening in front of you. A lot of familiar faces, and a lot of strangers. No wonder you were confused, these are a bunch of Daveed and Lauren’s friends, you know all of Jasmine and Anthony’s friends, you felt stupid for not seeing the signs that are now so clear.

A sighed burst through and you took another long drink, almost finishing it, you saved some though, not wanting to look like an alcoholic to the bartender, although you bet he’s seen worse than you.

“Y/N. Hey” you turned to see who called at you, and there stood Rafael, you smiled and tilted your drink towards him. “Rafa, hey.” He smiled an examined your almost empty drink. “Need another?” You snickered. “Need ten more.” you informed completely monotone. Rafa let out a short chuckle. “Whats wrong?” you shrugged playing once again with the skinny straw, you wondered to yourself why they were there. “Why do they put these tiny straws in these drinks, when someone orders whiskey they aren’t going to drink it dainty like through the straw.” Rafa laughed wholeheartedly this time, he fixed his hair from his laughter and pulled you to his side. “Lets go get you another.” you shrugged and polished off your drink.

Once the third drink was in your hands everyone was called back inside for dinner, and a “special announcement.” you held back your scoff as you walked towards the door. You lost Rafael in the crowd but proceeded in on your own. You took an empty seat next to Lin who flashed you a bright smile as you sat , you nodded back at him and took a sip of your drink.

As everyone settled in the hosts of the evening entered and thanked every one for coming. “Now I know like everyone was confused as to why we had you dress up, but this is actually a huge occasion, without saying anything else I’m gunna pass this off to Daveed.” Anthony announced nodding towards Daveed

All eyes turned to Daveed and Lauren who just happened to be sitting all the way at the other end of the table. “Hey!” Daveed said his nervousness radiating off him. “We have some big news!”

“Is it that you have big news?” Rafa shouted out, causing a giggle to escape, you looked over to him and shot him a look but he just smiled.

“Ey, shut up Rafa.” he said flipping him off, Lauren giggled but nudged Daveed gently. “Right! Okay!.” The room was silent, it made you uncomfortable. “Lauren and I are getting married!” the second the word married fell out of his mouth there was an eruption of cheers and applause and gasps, you sat in silence stirring your drink, the ice cubes slowly melting watering it down.

As everyone got up to hug the happy couple you stayed seated, you looked up from your drink to see Daveed’s face, his smile was wide, it was the one that made you want to kiss his cheeks because of the way they puffed out, his eyes squinted yet still so gorgeous.

You sighed internally, a slight knot sat at the bottom of your throat, you swallowed more of your whiskey to burn it down, the only reason you began drinking whiskey was because of Daveed, his glass was next to his dinner plate, you envied it.

Dinner passed, it wasn’t anything fancy chicken and all, everyone told stories of the two love bird placed at the end of the long dinning table.

You wished desperately for the night to end, but you knew even after dinner you would have to stay a bit longer, or questions would definitely be raised as to why his best friend left so quickly on such a joyous occasion.

As you played with the few grains of rice that sat on your plate Lin touched your arm. “Are you okay?” you glanced at him realizing you were slumped over, completely immersed in your plate.

You smiled lightly and took hold of your glass again. “I’m fine.” Lin eyed you cautiously, your body language told him otherwise but he knew not to push it.

Dinner finished and everyone wandered around the new house and the backyard once more. Everyone seemed so focused that no one saw your face fall, the tears you were pushing back were trying for another escape, you quickly made your way to the bathroom, after locking it roughly you leaned over the porcelain sink.

You let out a sob before covering your mouth, a few tears slid down your cheeks, you just stared at yourself, almost disgusted, why were you crying, you knew this was bound to happen?

A muffled sob came out, every breath in felt like knives, as the tears spilled over your fingers.

A quiet knock came from the door. “Y/N?” Jasmines voice echoed out into the large bathroom. You swallowed hard. “Be right out.” you chocked out. “Y/N…” your name came through the door again, this time softer and filled with worry, you felt the guilt fill your veins. This was Daveed’s big night and you were ruining it. “I’m fine, I promise. I’ll be out soon, okay?”

There were no other words between you two, you just heard her heels click away from the door.

You wiped the tears from your face and tried to salvage what makeup you hate left on your face.

As more minutes passed with your attempts calm yourself down and fan down the red on your cheeks you could feel attention turning to you.

At least Rafa was looking for you.

You took one last deep painful breath and exited the bathroom, a few eyes fell on you as you fast walked back outside to let the cool air calm you down.

Like magic Rafa was back by your side. “Y/N, where’d you go?” You forced out a smile once more, they were beginning to hurt. “Just looked around.” You could see he didn’t buy what you were saying. “I got you another drink.” He passed you the glass, you already felt sick and drunk but you took a sip. “Listen, Y/N you know you can talk to me right?” You nodded, taking another sip, but just when you were ready to fold Daveed walked up to the two of you. Your heart fell in your chest once more.

His smile had yet to differ from the moment he arrived. “Hey guys, having fun?” You nodded and Rafa slapped him on the back. “Yeah, congrats again man.” he said laughing at him. “Never thought I’d see the day.” Daveed shoved him. “I told you I was going to do it, you idiot.” Your eyes snapped to Rafa, his eyes flashed with fear as he looked back at you. “Uh, yeah.” he said trying to keep his face bright and happy. You moved back a step. “Y/N, where you going? I feel like I haven’t seen you all night?” You had never felt sicker than at that moment. “I gotta go home, I have an important call in the morning.” That wasn’t exactly a lie, you had to call your mom to cry.

Daveed’s smile finally disappeared. “Are you okay? You’re a little green.” You took another step away. “Yeah, just a little too much to drink.” Daveed reached for your arm to try and pull you back, but your arm snapped away onto your glass. “I really need to go Daveed.” His eyes desperately tried to search yours to find something. “Y/N” he said cautiously. Another step back. “Really, congratulations Daveed.” your voice quivering in mid sentence.

You spun around on your heel and headed for the door, your phone almost tumbled out of your clutch as you dialed for a cab, you were too drunk for driving and too embarrassed or too angry to ask anyone for a ride. 

You exited the house and stood in the front yard. As you delivered the address to the driver you could feel someone behind you. “Okay, thank you.” you hung up and placed your phone away, ignoring whoever stood behind you, praying they would just go away.

The two of you sat in silence, you closed your eyes and hoped that when you opened them the cab would be there.

“Y/N” Daveed’s voice rang out into the quiet night, you kept your stature and continued to stare forward. “I know you can hear me.” You still said nothing. “Your cabs not here yet, come back inside.” Still nothing.

Footsteps approached you. “You’re scaring me.” an hand touched your shoulder, you wanted to fall, to cry into his chest. But that would be the last thing you could do.

“Come on Kitten.” he said gently. Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of your nickname, the nickname he gave you for your love of naps and hair pets. Then you just suddenly went cold. “Don’t call me that.” you muttered, his hand left your shoulder. “What?” you held your arms tightly in front of you. He finally walked around you to face you. “You don’t get to call me that.” You said sharply. His face was plagued with confusion he once again searched your eyes for something, some kind of answer as to why you were acting this way. “Why?” his voice was low and gentle. “Because Daveed.” you didn’t want to explode on him, but whiskey was taking over, you tried to clenched your mouth shut, but he just asked again. “Y/N Why?” He looked almost hurt, but more angry, angry that you were creating this drama, angry at why you were doing this for no apparent reason.

You looked off to the side, hoping to see any sign of your cab. “Y/N answer me.” You let out a light scoff, like he could tell you what to do. “Daveed just leave it.” Now he was angry, enough was enough. “Y/N for the love of god why are you acting like this?” You began to walk to the other side of the driveway, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself further, you didn’t want to hurt Daveed., but as you moved from him he grabbed at your arm and pulled you back in front of him. “You can’t just walk away, you’re my best friend.” his voice sounded broken as you snatched your arm back to your chest. “Daveed!” you shouted losing it. “Because you’re getting married, okay!?” His shoulders dropped as he stared at you. “What?” he whispered, immediate regret ran down your body like cold water. “Daveed- I” He stepped back from you. “You…” you watched as he tried to find the right words but nothing came to him, the headlights from the cab came into view. “Daveed, I’m sorry.” you muttered out, you started to move so the cab could see you. You were just past Daveed’s frozen body when he swiftly took hold of your wrist, you felt your heart pound painfully in your chest, you were tiring of being grabbed. You glanced at him from the side, his eye stared forward, but he wouldn’t let go of you.

The cab was almost at the house. “Daveed” you begun to protest his grip, but then you found his lips on yours. The kiss was rough and passionate, the taste of whiskey on his lips burnt at yours, his hands rested on your cheeks as he pulled you flush against him.

It was everything you wanted and more, but it was wrong, he was angry and confused. You reluctantly placed your hand on his chest and pushed yourself away.

“Goodnight Daveed.” you said hearing the brakes of the cab pull up beside you two.

You didn’t dare look back at him, if you had you knew you would have gone back to him.

As you entered the cab you mumbled out your address then promptly hid your face in your hands.


	2. Chapter 2

Your legs felt weak and heavier with every step you took towards your door, you were emotionally drained and wanted to get inside your house before you broke down. After getting in you walked blindly into your bedroom, throwing your shoes off you landed with a loud thump onto the comfort of your bed.

You sat silently for a few moments before your tears finally broke free. You laid still as the hot tears burned down your face, sob after sob burst through your aching throat. The embarrassment tore through your body as you pulled your knees to your chest.

You were an embarrassment to yourself.

Would you be able to show your face to anyone ever again?

Has Daveed told anyone?

Does he hate you now..?

The painful questions repeated in your mind, it was 3am and you were still wide awake, the guilt sat heavily in your heart and pumped through your veins as you stared blankly at your bedroom wall.

You felt some exhaustion, but you felt that it would be unfair to get any sleep, god knows Daveed was awake.

How you wished that you could call him, to hear his voice… but you were probably the last person he wanted to walk to at this moment.

As the minutes slipped by your burning tender eyes began to blur, your body ached from the hours of crying. You had heard your phone buzz a few times but chose to ignore it.

You knew Rafa had some sense of your feelings for Daveed, you could see it in his eyes after Daveed brought up how he had told him of his plans to propose, you saw the fear and guilt as he looked back at you.

You felt so stupid at that moment, one second you felt you could tell him anything and the next he had betrayed you.

You groaned as you pulled your pillow over your head, you felt so selfish for your thoughts and actions you hated yourself for it.

As more minutes ticked by sleep finally found you, you drifted off, hoping that this night was nothing more than a nightmare.

Your body jolted awake around 7am, the sun beamed down over your face, you opened your sore eyes to the morning and groaned as your head pounded roughly. Unfortunately the memories of last night were still alive and well in your mind, as your stomach churned at the thought of your mistakes your body shivered with nausea. You bolted from your bed to your bathroom and released the whiskey from the previous night.

You spent an hour glued to the cold bathroom floor, cooling your face and regretting everything that happened, every time you blinked you could see Daveed’s lost heartbroken face and your heart tensed.

You finally forced yourself up and changed from you dress into your pajamas and headed to the kitchen for water.

The hours of the day unfortunately flew by as you continued to ignore every noise that came from your phone that usually remained quiet, you just sat and barely watched TV, mostly you were debating on calling Daveed or Rafa with guilt sitting at the pit of your stomach.

Before you knew it, it was 1am and you were drifting back to sleep on your stiff couch, but as soon as your eyes fluttered shut you were awaken by sudden banging at your door. The warmth drained from you as you removed the blanket you were wrapped in and walked carefully to the door.

The pounding continued with ever step, when you reached for your doorknob you took in a deep breath before turning it.

Swinging the door open you froze, just like last night, Daveed stood in front of you. His face was tired, he was still in the clothes from last night and he looked hurt, but mostly angry.

You attempted to slam the door shut, you’d listen to him banging on the door all night if you had too, it would be better than talking to him. But his hand smacked loudly against the closing door forcing it open once more, he moved fast as he walked past you and inside your house.

You took in a shaky breath. “Get out.” you muttered from the still open door. You turned to face him, he was just staring at you. “I said get out!” you shouted, you voice echoed into the empty street. He was suddenly in front of you once more causing you to move back and close the door with your back, his hands rested on either side of you on your door. “So what, you’re just going to ignore me?” he questioned, his voice was hoarse. You refused to look at him, his hand slammed against the door causing you to jump as he pushed himself away from you. “Dammit, Y/N. You cannot just do this to me!” he barked at you as he sat on your couch putting his face in his hands and kicking at your coffee table.

“Then leave.” You offered, he ignored your words as he pulled his hair back. “Why did you do this to me?” before you could defend yourself he exploded once more. “I haven’t slept, eaten, anything since last night! I have barely spoken two words to Lauren and its your fault!” he accused. You let out a scoff. “I didn’t plan this Daveed.” you snapped back at him. “You may not have planned it.” he growled. “But you’ve ruined my life.” You could feel your heart pound violently in your chest, it hurt, not as much as his words though. “I wasn’t the one who kissed you!” you shouted. “You kissed me!” you pointed at him angrily. “Why didn’t you just let me leave!?” You asked tears pricking at your eyes, it felt like glass cutting into you. “You tell me!” He seethed clenching his fists. “You tell me why you acted like that!” You shook your head wishing this would all just end. “Daveed just get the hell out, go back to Lauren.”

“I said tell me!” He ordered standing from the couch . “Because I love you, you fucking idiot!” You snapped, he took a step forward, as you went to back up you realized there was nowhere to go. “No you don’t.” he argued, you scoffed in disbelief. “No, you’re right, I just did it to ruin your night.” He continued to step towards you. “That’s sure what it felt like, what is it you hate Lauren?” Shaking your head you closed your eyes, tears slipped down your cheeks. “I don’t hate her.” you mumbled. “Then what? You hate me? You hate to see me happy don’t you?” You sobbed as he threw insults at you. “You’re selfish Y/N!”

“Yes, I know that! And I’m sorry!” You screamed back. “And you know that, so why the fuck are you here!?” Daveed stopped moving as he stared at your shaking body. “You’re not sorry.” He growled. You could barely wipe the tears from your eyes before Daveed had you up against the door, his lips smashed onto yours, his anger overran his kiss as he pinned you harder into the door, he pulled back to give you air. “Daveed.” you panted, trying to tell him he would regret this. “Shut up.” he ordered as his lips met yours again, it was rough yet tender, you could feel his heart beating against your chest as he pulled you close to him.

Your mind went blank as his lips moved from yours to your neck, biting and sucking you moaned, you tried to move to tangle your hands in his hair but you were quickly stopped. His hand gripped your wrists and pulled them over your head. “I’ll show you sorry.” he teased against your hot skin. You quickly wrapped your legs around his hips as he moved you to your bedroom. He let you down on your bed and unbuttoned his shirt and quickly threw it to the side. There was no time for thinking, no time for foreplay as you reached for his belt. “God, Y/N” he muttered, you held your breath for a second waiting for him to realize what was happening and leave, but as his hand moved to slid down the strap of your shirt you relaxed.

Soon his dress pants and your pajamas were thrown to the ground, “Nothing on underneath, huh? Were you waiting for me?” he questioned as his lips met with your neck once more and sucked hard marking you as his. “Daveed.” you cried out as his lips moved down your neck. “Whats that Kitten?” your hands gripped at the sheets of the bed at the use of your nickname. “Turn over” He demanded lightly in your ear, causing you to shiver, you quickly scrambled to your hands and knees on your bed, you heard Daveed take in a sharp breath as he scanned over your body. “Good girl.” he shuddered. His hands held your waist and as you began to beg for him he thrust his cock in you without warning, throwing your head back you let out a breathy gasp. He gave you no time to adjust to his size before slamming into you once more before picking up the pace. You hands gripped tightly at the front of the bed, one particular thrust had you face first in the mattress. “That’s right Kitten.” Daveed encouraged as his nails dug deep into your skin. Thrust after thrust you could feel a familiar pressure growing in your stomach as he continued to fuck deeper in you. “Daveed.” You whimpered, one of his hands moved to your head as he grabbed a handful of your hair, it didn’t hurt it just added to the pleasure as he used it for grip. “Are you sorry?” He growled out to you. You nodded unable to form any words, a slight tug came from your hair and your head moved up. “No, no kitty. Tell me.” He demanded, slamming into you making it harder for you to concentrate on his words. “Oh fuck, I-I’m sorry!” You cried out, the building orgasm had your leg numb and shaking. “Are you going for cum for me?” he questioned his voice deep and hoarse. “God yes.” You whimpered, you could feel Daveed lean over your naked body, his hair gliding against your back, his cock filling you. “Cum for me Y/N, cum for daddy, kitten.” Like magic your body was overtaken by your orgasm, your back arched and your knuckles whitened as you tightened your grip. You could feel yourself tighten around Daveed’s cock as wave after wave of ecstasy filled your body. “Oh fuck!” You shouted out, Daveed grunted his cock throbbing inside you, he leaned into you so hard you could barely keep your position as he came, you felt him spill into you as he almost collapsed onto you.

You both rode out the rest of your highs before he slid out of you and lay next to you panting in the thick air.

You rolled back on your back and stared at your ceiling, you desperately tried to hold onto your euphoria instead of the crashing realization of what you had just done.

You turned to your side away from Daveed unsure of what he was thinking, you didn’t want to look at his face only to see regret.

His arm draped over your and pull you closer, you both lay there silently unsure on what to say to each other, sleep soon over took the two of you as you wished you could ask him what this meant.

The next morning came quickly, your eyes opened slowly before you jumped from you sleeping position, you turned around to find Daveed missing. Your heart dropped as you scanned your room, his clothes were gone and your bedroom door was left ajar.

You quickly threw on your pajamas and quietly walked out of the room. All you felt was your heart pounding in your chest, you mind was nothing but white noise as you entered your kitchen.

There he was, dressed once more, leaning over the kitchen counter, an empty cup of coffee set in front of him.

As you came into eye sight he spun on his heel to face you. You fidgeted with your hands, almost ready to laugh about what happened, then he spoke. “I cannot believe you.” he hissed, your head almost snapped as you looked up at him. “What?” you croaked out. He quickly looked away from you, too upset to look in your eyes. “I need to go.” he said low, you let out a bitter laugh. “So I’m just what, a fuck and dump?” You asked trudging towards him. “I’m getting married Y/N” he stated, you shoved him hard. “I know that! You don’t think I know that?!” You shouted pushing him further. “Y/N stop!” he said grabbing at your wrists. “No! You don’t get to fucking touch me anymore!” You said snapping your arms away from him. “What did you expect Y/N?” Tears streamed down your cheeks once more, you were so tired of crying. “You used me!” You wailed. Daveed kept quiet as you wiped furiously at your face. “Get out! I never want to see you again!” You screamed picking up the empty coffee mug. “You don’t mean that, Y/N.” He tried to walk forward to you, you threw the coffee mug shattering it on the floor by his feet. “I said don’t touch me!” You warned. “You blame me for this, you’re the one that kissed me! Both times!” You bawled, you held yourself together, you wouldn’t let him see you collapse. You gathered yourself together and stared him dead in the eye. “You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” you said coldly.

Daveed stared at you in disbelief, “If you make me leave, I am never coming back Y/N.” he threatened as he made his way to your door. You swallowed hard as he turned the door knob, trying to break you. With one final broken breath you and one last look in his eyes you uttered your final word to him. “Good.”


	3. Chapter 3

The second your door was closed your knees gave out, you wept sitting on the floor for a while. One of your biggest nightmares had come true, you loved him, he was your best friend, and all he did was use you. Slowly you moved towards the broken pile porcelain, you picked up the broken pieces and touched them gently, it was the mug he bought you for your birthday years ago, the Hufflepuff crest and words scattered on the floor.

You pushed your hair back as you begged to go back in time to two nights ago, to bite your tongue and smile through the night. To go back to when you weren’t losing your best friend…

You pulled yourself off the floor and brushed up the ruined mug, tossing it in the trash, you saw no point in fixing it now.

Finally you reached for your phone, multiple texts from two nights ago sat on your lock screen.

Jasmine 1am :

You did so well tonight, I’m sorry.

Rafa 115am :

Y/N.

Anthony 130am :

Hey did you leave?

Daveed 131am :

Come back…

Lin 134am :

Hey sorry I didn’t catch you, have a good night. See you soon!

Daveed 134am :

Y/N, please come back, just come back, please.

Rafa 135am :

I’m so sorry

Rafa 138am :

Please answer me.

Rafa 145am :

You’re worrying me

Daveed 150am :

Y/N, please say something

Daveed 240am :

I can’t sleep…

Daveed 300am :

Why did you do this to me.

Daveed 330am :

Please…

You swallowed hard at the knot in your throat, Daveed’s texts were so different from the way he acted when he showed up, you felt horrible, it was your fault as to why he was so angry. You didn’t know what to say, how to answer any of the texts, just lie to everyone who thought you made it through the night? Or tell Rafael that you were okay? How could you trust him anymore?

You sat on your couch, staring blankly at your phone when it buzzed in your hand.

Rafa 815am :

Hey.

Rafa 815am :

You don’t need to answer me… just…

Rafa 816am :

Please give me a chance to explain myself.

You stayed, staring at your phone patiently, waiting for him to text you back. But an hour soon passed with no follow up, annoyed you tossed your phone to the other end of the couch.

Cradling yourself you turned on the TV, Sharknado played as background noise, but your eyes were focused to the clouded skies.

You were lost in memories of Daveed and you.

The coffee trips at midnight, the leftover Chinese food at 8am, the Christmas shopping, helping each other get through hangovers.

All of it.

The day passed, you watched as the sun began to set through your window. Just as you were about to order pizza your doorbell rang.

You sat still, if it was Daveed you knew he’d burst in any second.

But 20 seconds passed before it rang out into your silent house a second time.

Standing from the spot you had spent the last few hours on you made your way to the door. Hesitantly you opened it slowly, as last time Daveed just waltzed inside.

This time though, it was Rafael at your door, awkwardly kicking at the pebbles on your front step. When he heard the creak of the door his head snapped up. “Y/N, please.” You held at the bridge of your nose, “Rafa, if I give you one more chance my mind is going to explode. What do you want.” His shoulders dropped at the sight of your tired and red eyes. “I’m sorry.” he mumbled. “I should have told you…” You shook your head. “No… I was being selfish.” Rafa’s eyes saddened. “The look in your eyes that night… I felt like such an ass.” You let out a light laugh. “That makes two of us.” He cracked a small smile, and you opened the door fully. “Come in.” as he made his way inside he quickly wrapped his arms around you, you stood in shock for a moment before reciprocating it. The warmth of his hug calmed you down and comforted you.

“Let me make it up to you.” He said letting go of you and moving hair out of your eyes. “How?” you questioned. “We can go get drunk?” You laughed as you sat back down on your couch. “I don’t know.” Rafa sat next to you. “Please, I really wanna fix this.” you let out a guilty sigh. “There’s nothing to fix, you did nothing wrong. You’re his best friend.” You could tell he so desperately wanted to fight you on this topic but pushed on. “We can still drink though.” He pressed, you nodded as you laughed. “Okay, fine. You’re buying.” Rafa shrugged leaning into your couch. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” You got off your couch and hid in your bedroom, stripping out of the bad memories of the previous night and into a tan t-shirt dress and sheer tights.

As you exited you noticed Rafael on his phone. “Lets go!” you shouted, the more you thought about it the more excited you got about the night ahead. Drinking to forget and spending time with Rafael, sounds fun.

Rafa quickly tucked his phone away and turned to you, he whistled quietly. “You clean up nice.” You rolled your eyes as you picked up your purse. “Don’t push it.”

The bar wasn’t far from your place, unfortunately it had be a regular place where you and Daveed would go, you’d both stumble home, he’d crash on your couch and you’d wake up to the smell of bacon.

Rafa held the door open, you slid in and began walking to the bar. “Teddy! Whiskey straight!” you shouted over the crowds of people, Rafa touched your shoulder. “Two!” he corrected, you smiled up at him and turned to find a booth.

You sat at the uncomfortable benches, Rafa soon joining you with your drinks in hand. He slid into the other side of the booth and moved your drink towards you. “Cheers.” he said lifting his glass, you met halfway clinking it together before you drank down most of the booze. “Y/N easy.” He said worrisome. “Nope, not tonight.” you argued polishing off the drink. “I’m gunna get another.” you said hopping out of your seat and back to the bar.

Another drink appeared in your hand and you practically skipped back to your seat. “So.” Rafa started. “Have you talked to him yet.” Your heart stopped for a moment as you sipped at your drink. “No…” You lied. “He’s worried.” You raised an eyebrow. “How do you know?” Rafa stirred at his glass. “After you left…” Your lungs felt tight as you watched him. “God Y/N, it looked his he was going to shatter.” You downed another good part of your drink. “Well, nothing happened.” you mumbled, lying once more. “It didn’t look like it.” You closed your eyes as you finished your second drink as Rafa still had his first in front of him. “Is this why you brought me here? To talk about him?” You asked a little more stern than you would have liked. “N-No, Y/N. I’m sorry.” You sighed, the alcohol burned down your throat slowly. “Its okay, I’m being a bitch.” Before Rafael could shake his head you held your hand up. “Please Rafa, everyone is treating me like a victim, he’s been with Lauren for years… I should have seen it coming. Hell I did, I just chose to ignore it.” You said your voice broke mid sentence as you tried to keep calm. “Fuck Y/N, I’m sorry I even brought it up.”

A few drinks later and you could feel your tipsiness, you were giggling with Rafa when a familiar voice came into the bar. You spun around to see Daveed walk in, his arm on the waist of Lauren, you felt time slow down as he turned to see you. You spun back into your seat and stared at Rafa. “You didn't” You muttered lowly, wishing they would just walk by the two of you. “Y/N, please.” He begged reaching across to grab your hand, you pulled it away and wrapped it around you glass, your mind flashed back to last night. “I trusted you.” you murmured. Rafa didn’t have a second to react as he looked up to Daveed and Lauren. “Hey guys.” He said brightly, he quickly got up to sit next to you, his hand grasped at your clenched fist under the table in attempts to calm you down. You could see the tense muscles in Daveed’s shoulders as he took his seat, his eyes glared towards Rafael. “Hey boo” Laurens said cheerily to you. “Hey.” you said completely monotone. “Who wants drinks?” Rafa offered as he let go of your hand and began to stand. “Double please.” you declared staring deep into your empty glass. “Uh same.” Daveed awkwardly ordered, “Appletini please” Lauren politely requested, Rafa disappeared from the table, leaving you in the worst possibility. “So Y/N, I have something to ask you.” Lauren said killing the awkward silence. Oh god no. You prayed. “Uh, babe. Maybe we’ll talk about this later.” Daveed suggested, you saw his pleading eyes, he was most likely thinking the same thing, but Lauren shook her head in disagreement. “What, why? This is perfect, being all alone like this.” She smiled towards you, you couldn’t help but nod in agreement. “Okay so, I was wondering… if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids!” she shouted in glee, your eyes looked at Daveed he was picking at the table avoiding eye contact. “Uh, yes. Yes, I’d love to.” you accepted attempting to cover up any suspicion.

Thankfully Rafa walked back, attempting to hold onto the four drinks piled into his hands.

After all settled in you slowly sipped back your drink as Lauren and Rafa held conversation. “Oh my god, Y/N. Is that a hickey?” You choked on your drink and you heard Daveed drop his empty glass on the table, Rafas head snapped to scan over your neck. Instinctively your hand slapped over the red spot covering your neck.

“Um, yeah..” you admitted feeling a rush of heat going up your neck to your cheeks. “I met a guy at a bar last night.” you lied, Daveed quickly scooped the spilled ice cubes into his glass, Lauren broke out into a huge grin. “Well, well, well. Whats his name? Did you guys, you know?” Your mind was swirling, your veins were replaced with liquor as your chose your words. “Derek.” you announced. “His name is Derek. And no, just this.” you mumbled motioning to the bruise. “Well, I wanna meet him.” she said leaning back and sipping at her martini. “Mhm.” you hummed out downing your drink. “I think it was just a one night mistake.” you said fighting yourself to not glare at Daveed. Lauren pouted “Oh boo.” you nodded.

“I need another.” You slightly slurred. “Y/N, maybe I should walk you home.” offered Rafa, shaking your head you basically crawled over him. “Nah, I’m okay.” You could hear Lauren giggle as the rest of the table stayed silent. You ordered another double and two shots of tequila. “You okay?” Asked Teddy as he poured out the shots, you shrugged yet nodded at the same time. “Just trying to get though the night.” you said taking hold of the shot glass

“Y/N.” you jumped and spun around to see Daveed. “Let Rafael walk you home.” glaring you turned and down your shots. “Or you could go.” you bitterly offered. “Y/N, come on. This is torture for both of us.” You scoffed and chugged back the better half of your drink. “Torture? No this is a fucking nightmare, I’m a bridesmaid.”Daveed furrowed his eyebrows. “I fucking told her not to ask you.” You laughed. “Yeah, bet you don’t even want me there.” you challenged. “Don’t want your mistakes to be there?” you slurred, Daveed grabbed at your glass before you could finish your drink.

“Go home.” you let out a dry laugh. “Weird I feel like I’ve heard those words before.” Daveed sighed. “Stop.” You moved closer to him attempting to grab back the glass. “What do you expect, for me to just forget about what happened last fucking night?” You practically yelled drunkenly. “Y/N, I didn’t know you would be here” He growled squeezing the glass in his fist. “Boo hoo, things must be so rough for you” you sassed, giving up on taking back the cup from him “Teddy” You shouted. “One more” you ordered. “Ted, don’t.” Daveed interrupted. “Um, you don’t fucking own me.” you growled glaring up at him. “I’m serious stop and go home Y/N” You spun on your heel and clumsily leaned on the bar. “Teddy, please. One more double.” The bartender looked back at the two of you before making your drink.

A hand fell on your shoulder, you angrily sighed. “Daveed, I swear to f-” you spun to see Rafa. “Oh, sorry.” you apologized. “Y/N, lets go home.” you groaned out pushing his hand off your shoulder. “Not you too.” you pouted. “Finish your drink.” he demanded, you turned back to see it waiting for you, you did as said and knocked it back. The familiar black out was starting as you stumbled back into Rafa’s arms. “Okay, lets go.” you giggled, Rafa took your hand to lead you back to the booth. “Hey, we’re gunna take off.” Lauren pouted once more. “Oh. Well, Y/N I expect to hear more about this Derek.” she said winking at you, you drunkenly smiled. “Oh I will.” you said winking obviously back at her whilst pushing Daveed’s shoulder. “G'night Y/N” Daveed grumbled out.

When you finally stumbled out of the bar Rafa wrapped his arm around your waist. He basically carried you home and fished the keys from your purse, once inside he led you to your bedroom. As he laid you down you grasp at his hand. “Don’t leave.” you drunkenly begged. “I won’t, but I need to get you some water.” You nodded and curled up into your bed, a minute passed before you heard the glass being placed on your night stand and the bed dip as Rafa laid down beside you.

Your eyes were closed but you realized you were crying, you tried hard to hide it, but as your body began to shake Rafa sat up. Y/N, are you crying?” he whispered, you nodded and he pulled you close to his chest. “Hey, hey. Whats wrong?” You shrugged crying further. “Such a stupid mistake.” You muttered leaning deeper into your pillow. “Who? Derek?” A sob cracked through, breaking your heart as you nodded. “Hey, its okay.” You turned to curl up as Rafa’s arm stayed resting on you. “We’ve all made mistakes, I know I have.” He said wiping the tears on your cheeks. “He was my best friend.” you mumbled out before passing out.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been weeks since you last saw Daveed or Lauren, you were happy for the break, it had been too much, those three days of them.

Once you woke up from your night of drinking Rafa healed you through what you can recall as your worse hangover yet, he scolded you for not eating a thing and drinking too much.

He made you bacon and forced advil and water into your system

But after he left you were left in your lonesomeness once more. You barely slept a wink for weeks, you’d push yourself out of bed, stiff as a board and head off to work, the heavy bags set deep on your face as you pushed through each day.

But the dreaded text you received on Tuesday hit you like a ton of bricks.

 **Lauren 154pm** :

_Hey Boo, we’re going bridesmaids dress shopping this weekend, try to be available!_

You groaned and rolled your eyes, you had forgotten the drunken acceptance, and now you had to spend personal time with her, here we go again with the over dose of fake peppiness.

 **Y/N 1pm** :

_Okay, sure thing! See you then._

You typed out quickly, hit send and slammed your phone on your desk causing a few coworkers to stare at you. After cowering back into your chair you finished the day of data entry and practically crawled back home.

And now here you were, standing in the dressing room squeezing into a bright blue, hideous bridesmaids dress, the rest of the bridesmaids were trying on a lot more flattering dresses, you felt as though Lauren knew of your selfish actions that she this was her attempt to punish you.

“Hey, almost done in there?” You slid the curtain open to show off the horrible dress. “This is a big no.” You said showing off the flow of the long scratchy tulle dress to Jasmine, thankfully she was a bridesmaid too, she held back a giggle as she nodded. “Uh, yeah.” You turned to let her pull down the small zipper that continued to get stuck in the fabric.

“This is torture.” you mumbled hoping it would go unheard by Jasmine. “I know.” she whispered back, you had no luck. “But you did agree.” She said as she finished tugging down the zipper. You let out a sigh and closed the curtain, time to move on to the next dress.

Why did you agree to this?

A dress was finally picked and surprise, they were none of the hideous ones you were forced to try on. Baby pink, floor length, and gorgeous. You laughed dryly at the thought of you picking them for your wedding…

You were ready to go curl into bed after the dress fittings, but those plans were quickly dashed as Lauren proudly invited everyone over for champagne.

Jasmine took your hand as she dragged you to her car, once inside and on the road you put your head on the dashboard. “How stupid am I?” You asked, actually wanting an answer this time. “Listen Y/N, I don’t know whats going on in your life, but are things really this bad? That you’re regretting being Laurens bridesmaid, to be a big part on your best friends special day?” Jasmine couldn’t see it but tears started to swell up in your eyes. “I guess not.” You forced, every inch of you felt emotionally tired from making yourself go through with this, simpler to cover up what had happened. If none of this had happened you would have politely declined.

Once parked you walked sluggishly to the house, you turned to see Daveed’s car in the driveway. Of course,there would be no break for you today.

You step into the house and immediately had a glass of champagne in your face from Jasmine, you happily took it and sip politely at it, not wanting to come off as unladylike, like the rest of Laurens bridesmaids.

Everyone sat in the living room and chatted idly about the wedding. “Have you picked a date?” Asked the maid of honor. “Actually, yes. That’s why I brought you all over. Its exactly one month from today!” All the women in the room squealed and clasped hands with the bride to be.

You just felt numb as you took a giant swig of the bubbly forgetting about the ladylike manner you tried to fake.

You saw Daveed exit their bedroom, he looked tired, but a smile was held on his face. He meekly waved in the room at all the girls, his eyes looked into yours as you waved back at him.

“I’m going out.” He said happily to his bride kissing her on the head, she nodded. “Okay, see you later babe.”

You watched him as he left the house, you suddenly felt uncomfortable knowing he was no longer there. It almost felt like your mind was spinning as each moment of these last few weeks flashed through your mind.

You felt stuck.

You felt sick.

The constant reminder of your mistake sat in front of you for every moment you stayed here.

“I-I can’t do this.” You announced loudly through the chatter standing from your place, a few gasps broke through the room as the group watched you grab your purse and head for the door. “Just, just cancel my dress. I’m sorry.” You mumbled before leaving.

“Y/N Wait!” You turned to see Jasmine running behind you. “What are you doing?” You laughed dryly. “I don’t know, I just can’t do it. I can't” you rambled before Jasmine pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry.” she said in your hair. “I’m so sorry.” You squeezed her back before releasing her. “I’m okay. Just go make something up.” She nodded after looking you over to make sure you were going to collapse into yourself. “I love you.” she said as she turned to walked back. “I love you too” You shouted.

Although Jasmine had driven you weren’t too far from home.

As you got close to your street you turned to go to your bar, pushing the door open you saw how quiet it could be on a Saturday evening before the nightly rush. “Teddy.” you raised your hand asking for your normal order, he smiled and began filling a glass with whiskey, you hid yourself away in a booth and flipped through your phone, answering emails and going through Facebook.

You forced yourself out of the bar, drinking want going to help. Not tonight. But you decided to take one last stop on the way home.

The small park beside your house. You could feel the memories as you inched closer to the grass.

The weak star watching, the drunk ramblings, the snowball fights that almost always ended in a black eye for one of you from accidentally throwing a snowball with ice.

You sat down on green grass and leaned back, the few stars that could make their way through the New York seemed brighter tonight, and the grass felt wet though there was no rain. You closed your eyes to let the night breeze cover you, you almost felt like a weight had lifted off your shoulders after backing out on being a bridesmaid, but also a little guilty. It probably brought suspicion on, doing it after Daveed had left, but you no longer cared, it felt like you could finally breath again.

After a few minutes in silence you got up to go home before you fell asleep on the ground, but in the darkness you saw him on a bench, how could you ever not see him?

“Daveed.” You called out, he turned to you but quickly turned back around you heart tightened. You couldn’t stop yourself from walking over to him, as you sat next to him on the other edge of the bench you sat in complete quiet.

“You got what you wanted.” You mumbled after a few minutes of quiet “What?” He asked, his voice sounded weak. “I’m not a bridesmaid, I probably won’t even go to the wedding anymore.” You admitted to both him and yourself, he remained quiet before taking in a deep breath.

“That’s not what I wanted.” he objected, you knew he didn’t want that, you knew he’d want you there. “I know.” you whispered, you felt his hand slip over to yours and caress it gently.

“But I can’t go Daveed.” That familiar sting came to your eyes as you watched his hand on yours. “I know. I’m sorry.” He sighed his voice breaking as he spoke. “I want you to be happy.” you promised , a tear escaped and rolled down your cheek, you closed your eyes in attempts to hold back the rest. “Y/N” he interjected, you could picture the words he wanted to say, his hand squeezed at yours, your eyes opened slowly and you dared to look into his eyes. “I love you.” He chocked out, you could see the tears on his cheeks as he gazed into your eyes.

You smiled lightly, more tears slid down. “I know.” You pulled back from his hand and stood to go home. “I loved you.”

You lied


	5. Chapter 5

“Y/N?”

“Knock”

You held the delicate paper rather tightly in one hand while the other held the envelope. The tears burned down your cheeks and landed roughly on the paper.

You had almost hoped it would just disappear with the blink of an eye, that he’d call the whole thing off and be wrapping his arms around you.

But here it was, petal pink, cursive print, their names boldly at the top of the invitation, the date, the time.

And all you could feel was your heart sinking lower and lower with every time your eyes scanned it.

When you looked at the mail on the floor when you walked into your house you never expected to see it starring up at you.

You felt your knees buckle as you finally dropped it to the ground, debating on tearing it to shreds, but instead you let it float down like a leaf.

That night you got no sleep, you just sat in bed and stared at the wall, the wall you stared at after your night with Daveed, the wall you stared at as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close to his chest.

You closed your eyes lightly, you could still smell his cologne. You wished your could cry more, but your eyes just burned.

Maybe you could have done more if you had stuck to being a bridesmaid. Or instead of leaving Daveed on that park bench you could have curled into him and just stayed there for a million moments.

You could have done something…

The next day you called in sick.

That night you drank by yourself.

And again the next night.

And the next.

You continued your zombie like state day to day, you’d go in to work massively hungover, bags under your eyes, you’d slump into your desk each day and type your life out, go home and pour yourself a glass of something over an over again until you fell asleep. That’s the only way you could sleep.

“Knock… please.”

On Friday you had music blasting in your house as you downed a bottle of wine you danced with no one but yourself, you felt happier this way. You didn’t have to think to much this way.

Just as you were finishing off the bottle the door bell rang multiple times. You quickly turned down the music the a normal volume and headed for the door. “Okay, okay. Hang on!” you shouted, you unlocked the door and fumbled with the doorknob for a few second before getting it to turn. Rafael stood on your stairs, he did a quick scan of your slumped over body. “Y/N, hey?” You smiled wide “Rafa! Come in, have a drink” you practically yelled in his face, he winced. “Uh, sure” you swung the door open and he stepped into your house. You quickly grabbed another glass and a bottle of wine as you set them down you jumped to the remote to turn the music down more. You pulled the cap off the wine and filled the two glasses. “What brings you here?” you said trying to gain composure. Rafael took a drink of wine before putting the glass back down.

“Well, I came to see you…” you examined Rafael as he circled the rim of his glass. “Mhm, that’s a given.” You laughed a little dryly. “Cause we got the wedding invites.” You halted for a second before downing the rest of your glass. Rafael reached for the glass you polished off. “Y/N, hey, whats gotten into you? I’ve only been seeing you drunk lately.” You moved the glass away from him and grabbed the bottle of wine, your arms began to shake as you poured the next glass. “I don’t want to talk about the wedding.” you said sternly.

Rafael sighed roughly as he pushed his glass away from him. “Why not? You’re not going?” You took a gulp of wine before taking in a big breath and nodded. “That’s right.” You felt his hand touch your arm. “You’re not serious.” he almost said lowly, you looked at the swirling white wine in your glass. “He doesn’t want me there Rafa.” you said quietly, your heart felt warm as it pounded loudly in your chest. “Of course he does Y/N” You chuckled as tears welled up in your eyes. “I don’t want to do this again, I just got out of it.” You stared into his eyes as you forced yourself not to cry in front of him again, you noticed his hand move as he gently took the cup from your hand and put it down, his eyes never leaving yours. “Y/N… you can’t just drink yourself blind.” you forced yourself to look away from his face, his sad eyes burned at your heart. “Then what, please tell me what else I can do.”

You looked back at your glass of wine then back at Rafael.

“Kiss me then.”

You could visibly see as he sat up on the couch.

“No, Y/N… I couldn’t do that”

You scooted closer to him, your eyes only focused on his lips you barely heard a word he said.

“God dammit.” He muttered, as you placed your hand on his leg, you pushed back every shout in your head about how wrong this was, about how badly you’d hurt him, about how you were doing just what Daveed did to you.

Before you could listen to yourself you both met half way, his lips brushed against yours and you felt you heart flutter. “Y/N” he mumbled against your lips. “I-I can’t.” he slowly moved back from you

“Rafael please.” you begged, you closed your eyes and was met with a hand gently caressing your cheek. “You… have no idea.” he whispered, you felt a tear slip down your warm flushed cheeks. “But I was there that night after the bar Y/N.”

Your lip began to quiver as more tears fell. “You said it was a big mistake and he was your best friend.” you felt your heart drop to your stomach as he moved hair behind your ear. “I can’t do this to you, or him, or me.” He said, you opened your eyes to see his heartbroken eyes. “I’m so sorry, you should hate me already, just hate me.”You sobbed out as you curled into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around you and slid his fingers through your hair.

“It’s okay.” he mumbled against your shoulder.

Rafael left after an hour of him silently holding you as you stared at nothing.

As he got up no words were said, he just smiled lightly at you and left.

Then.

Nothing.

“Y/N?”

You barely heard from anyone in your friend group through out the month, you knew the were involved and busy with the wedding though, and each day that passed by you’d scan over the invitation that sat crumpled on your counter top, too nervous to respond to it, to stubborn to throw it away.

You eventually did.

RSVP: Yes.

The day finally came as much as you prayed for it to pass with no thought.

But as you woke up that morning all you could think about was the husband and bride to be.

How the sky was clear and the sun shun down on the city.

It was almost picture perfect.

You slid on the same dress you wore from the night of the announcement, it was of no irony to you but you didn’t own many fancy dresses.

As you stepped out the front door in your heels you felt the air get knocked out of your chest as you gripped the railing to your steps.

You made your way down and waited for your cab to arrive even though the place wasn’t too far from your home, you’d figure you needed to drink a lot to get through the day.

When it finally came you sat in silence debating on asking them to turn around, or to drive to a different state for that matter.

But you held your tongue as you got closer to the destination.

After arriving you quickly hoped out and tried to hide in with the crowd.

You saw a few familiar faces such as Oak and Lin and Vanessa. You smiled and lightly waved as you found a place to sit at the end of the line of seats reluctantly a place away from the people you knew as you were in no mood for conversations.

Light piano began to play as you watched Daveed make his way down the aisle, his suit was burgundy and his tie was black, he wore his round glasses and his brightest smile.

You held your hands tightly together was you scanned over him. This man you adored and befriend for more than 10 years of your life was about to leave it for good.

There was no denying it.

The groomsmen walked down the aisle next, you smiled small as Rafael was the first to come down, his eyes scanned over the crowed till he found you, he paused from walking for a millisecond almost causing the other groomsmen to walk into him. His face was stunned and shock as he continued to walk an took his position next to Daveed who was watching the aisle.

The bridesmaids came down next, the flowing pink dresses look beautiful and there shined Jasmine, she smiled when she found you and her hand quickly grazed against yours as she passed you.

The time came to stand for the bride, and as you stood you didn’t look at the french doors opening to Lauren, you stood and looked at Daveed, unexpectedly, he was looking back at you.

His smile was gone, and his eyes dimmed as he looked you over, you felt a knot in your throat begin to form.

You tore yourself from his gaze and looked at Lauren, her dress was beautiful and slim it fit her perfectly in every way. For the first time you genuinely smiled at her. As she made it to the end of the aisle you could see her asking Daveed if he was okay, as he answered his eyes jumped back up to yours but he nodded.

You watched as their hands intertwined, as the pastor began to speak you could feel your stomach twist as if you had drank nothing but vodka for days straight.

The noise in the chapel became white fuzzy noise and you felt faint.

There was no way out, you had to sit and watch him eave every inch of you in the past.

You stood from your spot and before people could gasp and mumbled among themselves you bolted for the door.

You thought you heard the faint call of your name as you fast walked though the lobby, it felt all to familiar from when you were running out of Anthony and Jasmines party.

When you reached outside you took in a deep breath and gripped at the side of the church, you were ready to collapse. You pulled off your heels and threw them on the lawn

You felt insane as once again you were ruining Daveed’s time and made it about yourself, you punched at the brick in frustration letting out light sobs.

You felt the brick scrap against your knuckles you continued until your arms tired and you fell to the ground, you puled your knees to your chest as you cried into your weak and sore arms.

Eventually your pushed yourself off the ground, you left your shoes on the lawn and began to walk home barefoot.

Walking by busy streets you felt no embarrassment for the honks and shouts in your direction.

You had, had enough.

You had reached the bottom.

You pulled your keys from your clutch, as you looked towards your house there he was…

Daveed, you watched quietly as he hesitated to knock on the door, as he ran his fingers angrily through his hair, then kicked the rail frustrated.

He gave up and sat on the stairs.

“Knock.” you said walking closer.

His head shot up as he found your face, his eye softened. “Y/N?”

You held your keys tightly in your hand.

“Please… knock.”

.

“Y/N?”

You shook your head and found his eyes the cold air on your cheeks.

“Huh?” you asked, you looked down to see your glass of whisky.

“I said, I’m getting married!”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr under Drugsdiggs, now biafbunny.
> 
> Please enjoy


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